The Age of Reasonable Doubt

DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR GRANDKIDS?

I love my grandkids with all my heart. They are the center of my universe. My two boys are four and six. They are very smart, funny and engaging. Not only can they relate humorous stories about themselves, they listen carefully and ask me questions about myself. They are pure delight. I do sometimes tell stories about the outstanding things they say and do, but I try to keep it brief.

I like to hear interesting stories about the grandchildren of friends and acquaintances. I do draw the line at listening interminably to the retelling in agonizing detail of events, cute sayings, school grades, ballet recitals and little league games. Many times, the person who drones on and on about grandchildren will give you the financial statements and acquisitions accumulated by their adult children. When the subject of children and grandkids monopolizes the conversation, I mentally withdraw even though this might be considered fitting subject matter for the mature adult.

If someone chooses to devote their lives to their children and grandchildren, that’s fine. It’s a good choice and one I’d never criticize. But when they inflict long monologues on
me, such as a blow by blow description of how a little league baseball game was won by an eight year old, or a drawn-out description of acting/musical/mathematic/scientific ability, my patience wears thin.

At times, during a grandchild treatise, I have the urge to interrupt and ask, “When was the last time you indulged in oral sex or how do you think mature sex differs from what we experienced at an earlier age?” That is kind of smart-assed, but I would just as happy to discuss novels, history, work, movies, hobbies, the war – anything other than grandkids.

I gravitate to people who have a wider range of topics – especially if they’re willing to tackle conversations not considered suitable for older folks. Not only is there a standard in our society for age appropriate dress, there is one for age appropriate subjects. This is disheartening. I resent anyone telling me what I can or can’t talk about. And, yes, I know, I know. Some subjects out of the mouths or older people, especially women, is taboo – or gag material. Get over it. We might have lost brain cells over the years, but those who survived into the later years with a new-found sense of adventure and exploration come into their mature years as ageless.

Putting the more serious discussions aside, there are many older women who speak frankly about relationships and sex in a way that I don’t recall happening very often at a younger age. I grew up in Philadelphia and at age nineteen, took a trip to Los Angeles. I met up with several young women my age and younger who talked about oral sex with boys. I nearly fell off my chair, but put a knowing smirk on my face to show I was very cool with the discussion. Truth was, it was out of the realm of my experience and I was shocked that some young women talked about it.

Now at my advanced age, rather than joining a kitting circle, I sit around with a bunch of women, talking about men who “go down” and those that don’t, and other "important" issues. For example, men with smaller penises are in greater demand. Women tend to get tighter over time and we seem to agree that a man of less girth is more welcome. So, to you men out there who have been upset about the insidious standard in our society concerning penis size, you’ll have your chance to be the preferred sexual partner – if you live long enough.

There are other changes. I’m flirtier now, wear more dramatic, revealing clothing than ever. I find more male responses to that than I did in the past when I was Ms. Earth tones. This is new for me, but I don’t think it’s looks as much as the vibrations I’m sending out. I’m more confident than I was at a younger age. Some people might call my attitude unseemly – not an uncomplimentary accusation now. My philosophy is that this is the time of life to break out – smash the conventions that kept us trapped and have a blast. I feel I have a small window of time to enjoy these wonderful new sensations, and then, if organized religions are on the right track, I’m going straight to hell without passing go.

The truth is, my sexual experiences are not numerous since widowhood, but they have greater meaning when they occur. And I find myself more passionate now when I date a man I am very attracted to. One such gentleman asked me to meet him at the door wearing a negligee. What a kick!

Sometimes these relationships haven’t worked out for me. But when the sex was good, I walked away with having learned something. For most of my life, I always lumped love/sex in the same category. They were mutually dependent. Now, I find, I have the freedom to differentiate if I choose. Good sex does not necessarily have to come with undying love. Of course, I have to like the person a lot, and there’s always the hope that the sex will be the conduit to developing that sizzling, fulfilling relationship, but if not, so be it.

From: The University of Chicago News Office --
First comprehensive national survey charts sexual behavior among older adults survey defines "typical" for those 57 to 85 August 22, 2007

“The first comprehensive national survey of sexual attitudes, behaviors and problems among older adults in the United States has found that most people ages 57 to 85 think of sexuality as an important part of life and that the frequency of sexual activity, for those who are active, declines only slightly from the 50s to the early 70s. Data from the University of Chicago’s National Social Life, Health and Aging Project (NSHAP), presented in the August 23, 2007, issue of the New England journal of Medicine, showed that many men and women remain sexually active – participating in vaginal intercourse, oral sex and masturbation – well into their 70s and 80s.”

And if you’re a naysayer to the older person leading an exciting, satisfying life, contact me. We need to talk.

The sexy G