The Age of Reasonable Doubt

Hey, you're dating seriously. How do you handle money? One way is for each to kick in half and cut everything down the line to the penny. I've had men tell me upfront they expect to go Dutch on every date. "Any questions or problems with that, just move on, lady. There's someone waiting to fill your place.

This every penny down the line concept can produce another set of problems. Once when I was out with a couple the man picked up my bill. When I thanked him, his partner nastily said I should thank her. Although it was his decision, she paid for half, and obviously didn't want to pay for me. He made the decision unilaterally although he wasn't free to do that.

In another situation, the man made far more than the woman and she resented paying half when she was struggling economically. But he insisted on each kicking in. Sometimes she paid more than half. When you factor in that women make less than a man for a comparable job, you might want to change the rules a bit. If you don't, it will inevitably have an impact on every aspect of a relationship, including the bedroom.

How about the man who borrows money from a woman and doesn't pay it back because he feels he's paying for her dinners so he deserves it. All of these occurances dredge up unpleasant feelings. When friends of the same sex go out, usually no one pays attention to who ordered a more expensive dish or who had an extra drink. The bill is equally divided. Why is there such a big fuss with couples worrying about who paid more?

There was a man I dated who lived in another nearby city. He wanted to become more intimate and I liked him. He asked if I could come visit and stay at a hotel. For various complicated reasons, I could not stay with him at his home. He did not offer to pay the hotel bill. At the time, I didn't think that was unfair so I arranged to attend a conference. It was quite expensive, but I thought the effort worthwhile. We had a lovely time, and he wanted to see me again.

I agreed and we continued our conversations via telephone and e-mailing. I enjoyed his intelligence. We began to include some phone sex. This was a first for me and, I have to say, it's was quite a lot of fun to do it wiht someone you like.

Things were heating up between us. Time passed and he made no offer to arrange for my hotel, but he continued to press me for a date to visit. Finally, I said it was his turn to pay for the hotel. There was a long silence and nothing said. We hung up and, naturally, I began to see a cheap side. It bothered me that I had to even ask.

I said nothing about coming in after that and he finally asked me to split the cost. When I balked because I'd paid the entire bill myself the last time, he said, "Oh, well. You attended a conference. You got more out of it." He also wanted me to telephone him from that point on so he could save his minutes. That makes me wonder about why he needs to save his minutes and for whom? You have to understand that this man was wealthy with a fabulous job.

Yikes!! After a few more conversations, I saw that chintzy people have chintzy emotions. I no longer wanted to see him. One must try to project what kind of effect that behavior has on the other person. The anger will come out sooner or later and sometimes for the wrong reasons.

Here's my idea. Let the man pay for all or most of the dinners out along with the cost of entertainment. It's so much more romantic with a lot less resentment and causes for stress. This can be evened out by a woman cooking dinners. One night eat out and the next two or three nights, eat in -- prepared and paid for by the woman. And/or she may occassionally pick up the check in a restaurant, buy an occasional ticket to whatever he enjoys, be it a sporting event or the orchestra. There is always a lovely little present she can buy to say thank you.

Will it come out even? Perhaps not. But ir you get all uptight about it the romance will go out the window? At the end of a year, maybe the man paid a couple of hundred more. Is it worth fussing about it? Remember, cheap men will get cheap sex. It's a cheap price to pay of adoration, love, caring and loyalty.

I invite your opinions on this ticklish problem. Look for the comment button below each blog on the right hand side and give me your take.

The sexy grandmom