I cannot begin to express how many times I've heard people say around campus in the last two weeks, "2008, it's gonna be great" or something along those lines. A) I hope so. B) Why are they saying that?

I think it somehow has has me contemplating the secretive brokenness of our culture, and specifically Fuller. The Christian subculture has this obsession with hiding our brokenness, with seeking to be accepted and loved for relevance, power, and spectacularity.

I must admit, it's a struggle I have. I like to be known. I like to be liked. I hunger to be liked. And I forget to seek the Cross as that only place; to say that I can do nothing but accept that I do nothing to define me, but to be aware that I am a beloved Child of the Almighty and Powerful God. In a market driven society, we find the need to be an object of love.

I'm listening to a professor lecture on this right now and I'm making the connection that even the desire for a year to "work out" better, to make us feel better, etc., is truthfully our desire to be in control of our lives. I wonder when we'll really get it; when we you get to the point that Jesus actually transforms the lives of the leaders. Ugh...

Posted by Libby at 4:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's official: I was a spoiled brat growing up. Fairview, Penn., was certainly not the desert, nor was it the North Pole. I experienced four seasons while I lived in northwest Pennsylvania. Summer and early fall in Fairview meant living through humidity and lots of it. Living on Lake Erie it was assumed that 45% humidity was a good day. Most days I swear it lingered around 70%. It was often muggy for most of July, all of August and parts of September. Okay, I shouldn't exclude June. It's humid in June most years, too.

I recall the move into college being agonizingly hot, humid and just plain miserable. The first two or three weeks of college were utterly disgusting, since our dorm rooms did not have air conditioning, and I was lugging bags upon boxes of personal possessions into those hot-air traps made for sweat and irritable roommates (i.e. me).

See, during the summer months my parents always set the air conditioning to a delightful level; probably around 69-72 degrees Fahrenheit. The experience of late August in college meant relearning what humidity was all about.

Well it turns out that those 22 years of life, followed by 2 in Indiana, where most of the summer I spent it again, in air conditioning, meant that this latest move into NW Pasadena also means a shock to Libby's system: no air conditioning. I'm not in Fuller housing for the summer months, by the way. I really tried hard to make it a whole week with only one fan in our second floor room (a fan that points towards the door, not me). These mid-90 days have been treacherously warm at 4 pm.

I gave in yesterday. I bought a second fan. It has a remote, which I find ridiculous, hilarious and amazing all at the same time. But it's got me thinking? I can handle this for a week on a mission trip in Mexico in mid-June, at camp for a week in July. But why do I think I'm so special that I have to spend money just to keep me feeling good. I drive past homeless people every day now, on my so-called commute to work. I live in a part of Pasadena known for it's low-income housing, gang district, and just poverty everywhere. It has character, it has a different vibrancy to it's life. But why do I feel ok driving with my new remote controlled fan, instead of bearing it for the sake of buying someone else a meal?

I've got a lot more to learn and figure out while I'm on this Earth, don't I?

Posted by Libby at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It would be a lie to claim I'm not tired, stressed, overwhelmed and burdened. It seems that many people at Fuller (well, in life) are dealing with a lot lately - an apparent season if you will. What's scarier? How many of us are hiding the stress by moving, participating in the daily grind ,solely because we think we're supposed to be okay at all times. I am simply overwhelmed in knowing just how much prayer, love, and support is needed at seminary, and yet how little we're all able to provide (or willing) toward one another.

Since when does seminary equate to the perfect person? The perfect image to be shared?

I've been questioning lately what the image of life as a disciple really looks like lived out. Is a Christian simply joyous at all times? That's the message I heard at my sister's graduation ceremony from a Christian college. I don't know how I feel theologically with that thought.

Some days aren't easy - this fact I am aware. And while I know that there's hope, I want to claim that hope at all times. But frankly, I'm not sure I'm there every single day. Some days, things just are not fair, fun or freeing. I want it, but I don't visibly see it.

I often forget that the daily grind helps us to walk past the actual things of our environment. I see it, feel it, and ache because of it. I want a change. I do.

I wish had some neat conclusion to fix this blog. I wish I had some simple ending.

But, alas, I don't. I'm lost, saddened, and hurt for my friends, colleagues, mentors, peers, and the Church. I wonder who else really feels the same way.

Posted by Libby at 4:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's been a while. Let's put it this way - I'm really tired, really busy, and really kind of stressed lately. I feel like I'm either moving at 100 mph or I'm about to fall asleep. Such is the life of a grad student who gets involved in people, school and work. I had started another blog a few weeks ago. I had no idea it was two weeks ago, however. Yikes!

That blog began with more reflections on Virginia Tech. I've continued to process, think and pray about the events that occurred since then. I find it so funny (in a completely non-humorous sort of a way) how the media can become so obsessed one minute, and move completely beyond the next. I wonder how we are supposed to be living in a world where things are constantly changing, to embrace that change, and yet remain focused upon the fact that life does not always move on for others.

It seems that the process of grief for our culture is often stymied because of our constant need to "move on" with life. Anyone who chooses to dwell in the moment is immediately chastised as being overly dramatic or unrealistic about the way our world works. I wonder how I'm supposed to be ok with the world working that way, when I know the gospel message is also telling me that I'm not supposed to be living just like the rest of the world.

The culture war has been really on my heart lately. Am I supposed to just forget about VT? Am I supposed to dwell instead? What is the right response? As a Christian, am I supposed to be outraged about the media's compulsion to focus so much attention upon ethnicity, and almost ignoring psychological implications of a young man? Should my heart be broken, instead, that the media completely ignored the thousands of deaths that occur daily in places like Darfur and Iraq?

I truly believe that God places hurt and compassion on the hearts of his children (different ways and types), but some days it seems like there's too much hurt and not enough focus and direction. Maybe it is my momentary cynicism, but momentarily, I feel heartache and wonder at how I'm supposed to laugh when I see all this hurt everywhere.

God's grace abounds - I see it in my home, my friends, my family. I experience the fruits of it when I know I am the least deserving. But some days, I wish that empathy would wash over me more frequently, that I would be more burdened to think before I speak, to speak out when I should, and to love the best I can. It's like the movie Pay It Forward, maybe?

I don't know. What I do is there's not easy way to end this except to say that I cannot imagine living in this world not knowing and trusting in the hope of a omniscient creator who is much smarter than I. I'm glad there are answers. I just wish I knew how to tap into it more effectively.

Posted by Libby at 5:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've been wondering lately how it happens that you enter the world of graduate school (or even simply school), and suddenly everything exterior to that world is lost to you. I recall undergraduate work where I never watched TV (weird, I know) except for ER. I recall having to tell people I had a meeting every Thursday at 9:45 pm (I needed adequate time to return to my dorm room). I had a standing date (no, I didn't stand, but it was established) with one of my closest friends from college to watch ER. But other than sports, I think I was pretty unaware of the world surrounding me.

A few significant events hit our world and the US while I did my undergraduate work. We had no president for a few weeks (Pres. Bush vs. Pres. Gore), September 11th (as we studied the Tower of Babel in my Old Testament class that morning - I kid you not!), Operation Iraqi Freedom, bombing Afghanistan, and Saddam Hussein was captured. I'm sure there was more. When I moved to Indianapolis and became a "working" adult, I watched the news almost every night. I stayed updated through the liberal and conservative forms of media. I was knowledgeable about a wide variety of issues and topics in our culture. Then I moved to Los Angeles, California, which in my mind, is (or was) the mecca for current events.

Then suddenly, my awareness stopped. I think I've watched the news 10 times total since i moved, 4 times in my first week. Aside from the aforementioned tragic or life-altering events, I never knew what was going on in my community or my world while in college, and I am realizing the same could be true now that I'm in graduate school.

Is it realistic to assume that all students lack a wealth of information about the current events of our society? Or do we put so much pressure on the "perfect" grades and behaviors that we neglect to be aware of the surrounding climates? I'm all for learning - it is why I'm here. But I'm not all about forgetting the world.

Students here are involved in the world. Last week the School of Intercultural Studies' Graduate Union spent a week on a campaign the school has developed: The Needless Child Campaign It's just one example of people here rallying around a real current event (not that Britney broke up with Kevin - whoa, old news!)

But what makes this neglect of current events okay about the academician's life? What makes ignoring the world around us, even our own communities, for the sake of study wrong or right? Is it bad that I was unaware - or good?

So here I am saying that people are involved in the world events en masse, but I wonder how aware we all are of the day to day atrocities and occurrences. Is it bad or not? I'm not quite sure. But I do realize that I miss knowing what's going on - even though msn.com and I are best friends when i pull my the internet on my laptop, it doesn't mean that I'm really aware. And it doesn't mean that everyone is this way because I don't watch the news - but my impression thus far is that I'm in the norm.

So is it wrong or right? I'm not sure... I'd love some real debate on this. But I certainly am realizing that I am a bit uneasy about not knowing what the big issue in our country because I'm stuck in drama at Fuller. Maybe it's time to change... maybe.

Posted by Libby at 1:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)