There's something to be said for venturing across the country to go to school. It's a different experience to pull away from everything you once knew: people, places, community, cultures. I came to Fuller in Fall of '06 knowing my life was going to change. And looking back just 18 months, some days I'm in utter shock by just how crazy and different it has been. LA is different from Western Pa and Indianapolis. It just is.

Part of the process is reconciling the move means that there will be significant moments in your life that you cannot be a part of back at home. It means recognizing that changes will happen and your next time back, they will again never be the same. I've found the ability exists to ignore the changes. Obviously, though, it ends up hurting us all in the long run.

The last few weeks have been rather difficult, and for the first time in a long time, I've found myself not saying anything to people about what's going on. I've had two deaths back on the East coast and some other major drama taking place that no one knows about. It makes me really question the role of community and when we abuse the very essence of community for the role of pity parties.

What is the role of Fuller and its purported community. I want to believe that it's to share with one another, to grow and to struggle together. But sometimes I really cannot reconcile my experience with my expectations. What I am aware of, however, is that things happen and I can't go home. I can't travel back for funerals because I have classes and no money. It kills me to miss yet another funeral when my old community will gather together and yet have no one to really share in the remorse. I guess it's just where I have to wholeheartedly cling to the promise that God can heal and love in the midst of hurt.