Frankly, I'm not quite sure how this happens, but goodness gracious this has been the fastest slow quarter to date. Sure I only have two other quarters at Fuller with which to compare, but still!

I have a lot of things to do in a very short window. So what am I doing, instead? Blogging for the pure sake of procrastination.

Unfortunately, both bed and Hebrew are calling my name.

I'd love to know when it happens that all intentions balance with action. When my "plan" for doing homework throughout the quarter matches my actual doing homework, and when my actual doing homework equals sleep at the end of the quarter. The only good news on the horizon is that my study location's hours have changed for summer. Now I've got a study joint until 11 pm! Too bad there are only two nights a week a I can utilize this asset.

Pray for all of us - this campus seems to have a lot of burned out, stressed out, overwhelmed students. For a prime example, see me.

Posted by Libby at 8:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It would be a lie to claim I'm not tired, stressed, overwhelmed and burdened. It seems that many people at Fuller (well, in life) are dealing with a lot lately - an apparent season if you will. What's scarier? How many of us are hiding the stress by moving, participating in the daily grind ,solely because we think we're supposed to be okay at all times. I am simply overwhelmed in knowing just how much prayer, love, and support is needed at seminary, and yet how little we're all able to provide (or willing) toward one another.

Since when does seminary equate to the perfect person? The perfect image to be shared?

I've been questioning lately what the image of life as a disciple really looks like lived out. Is a Christian simply joyous at all times? That's the message I heard at my sister's graduation ceremony from a Christian college. I don't know how I feel theologically with that thought.

Some days aren't easy - this fact I am aware. And while I know that there's hope, I want to claim that hope at all times. But frankly, I'm not sure I'm there every single day. Some days, things just are not fair, fun or freeing. I want it, but I don't visibly see it.

I often forget that the daily grind helps us to walk past the actual things of our environment. I see it, feel it, and ache because of it. I want a change. I do.

I wish had some neat conclusion to fix this blog. I wish I had some simple ending.

But, alas, I don't. I'm lost, saddened, and hurt for my friends, colleagues, mentors, peers, and the Church. I wonder who else really feels the same way.

Posted by Libby at 4:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's been a while. Let's put it this way - I'm really tired, really busy, and really kind of stressed lately. I feel like I'm either moving at 100 mph or I'm about to fall asleep. Such is the life of a grad student who gets involved in people, school and work. I had started another blog a few weeks ago. I had no idea it was two weeks ago, however. Yikes!

That blog began with more reflections on Virginia Tech. I've continued to process, think and pray about the events that occurred since then. I find it so funny (in a completely non-humorous sort of a way) how the media can become so obsessed one minute, and move completely beyond the next. I wonder how we are supposed to be living in a world where things are constantly changing, to embrace that change, and yet remain focused upon the fact that life does not always move on for others.

It seems that the process of grief for our culture is often stymied because of our constant need to "move on" with life. Anyone who chooses to dwell in the moment is immediately chastised as being overly dramatic or unrealistic about the way our world works. I wonder how I'm supposed to be ok with the world working that way, when I know the gospel message is also telling me that I'm not supposed to be living just like the rest of the world.

The culture war has been really on my heart lately. Am I supposed to just forget about VT? Am I supposed to dwell instead? What is the right response? As a Christian, am I supposed to be outraged about the media's compulsion to focus so much attention upon ethnicity, and almost ignoring psychological implications of a young man? Should my heart be broken, instead, that the media completely ignored the thousands of deaths that occur daily in places like Darfur and Iraq?

I truly believe that God places hurt and compassion on the hearts of his children (different ways and types), but some days it seems like there's too much hurt and not enough focus and direction. Maybe it is my momentary cynicism, but momentarily, I feel heartache and wonder at how I'm supposed to laugh when I see all this hurt everywhere.

God's grace abounds - I see it in my home, my friends, my family. I experience the fruits of it when I know I am the least deserving. But some days, I wish that empathy would wash over me more frequently, that I would be more burdened to think before I speak, to speak out when I should, and to love the best I can. It's like the movie Pay It Forward, maybe?

I don't know. What I do is there's not easy way to end this except to say that I cannot imagine living in this world not knowing and trusting in the hope of a omniscient creator who is much smarter than I. I'm glad there are answers. I just wish I knew how to tap into it more effectively.

Posted by Libby at 5:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)