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I was just listening to Barry White - oh the joys!
Ever wonder how you're supposed to get school work done when it's in the 80s outside, all the time? Yeah, me too. Oh Southern California. I can't imagine the challenges in the summer for this East Coast girl.
So it's spring break around Fuller this week. Last week the weather was in the 90s. Yes, the 90s in March. I'm still not used to this weather - at all!
This place is reminding me a lot of a ghost town. Actually, I think what I find the most intriguing about Fuller this week is the lack of stress in the air. You could literally feel it the last few weeks. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that either. I mean, I am all about being at an academic institution, but I'm not sure if anyone here has really learned how to deal effectively with stress (author included). I like to think I deal with it well, but frankly, we all could use to learn a bit about stress and it's causes (and effects).
(This thought that's about to follow may not be something everyone at Fuller would agree with - please keep this fact in mind.) Grades are not everything in life. I remember walking into the gym room my junior year of high school following our honors physics test - a test in which almost our entire class failed, we later learned. All the girls walked into the room discussing each and every question that had baffled us, each time we were ready to cry during the test, and what grades we had previously had, so we could determine our quarter's grade. Then the moment of realization happened. "You know, I bet 10 years from now I won't think about this test, what grade I got on it. It won't matter to me then."
Well, I do remember the grade. I still remember the whole conversation with Ashley, Julie, Beth, Cathie, Lynette and others. Actually, I still am a bit mad I didn't study more for the test. I should have studied more, but that's life.
But the realization came for me that whether I studied or not for the exam is not nearly as important as the process. I needed to learn during that period of time that learning is the end goal, not the grade. It sounds so cliche and simplistic, but it's a part of life and studies that I struggle with, and my guess is more than I should.
Whether or not you want a PhD, Mdiv, or auditing a course, the challenge here is why are you at seminary? As I prepare to enter into a new quarter, I hope I begin with the desire not only to learn, but to learn well. That may not mean an A in every class, but it will mean working really hard - and wrestling with that perfectionistic heart of mine. It'll be a hard road, no doubt.
I wrote the last blog overwhelmed and avoiding homework. Well, I'm down to the home stretch. I have a final Thursday, final journal entry for Foundations of Ministry, and editing on a paper for the same class.
Honestly, I'm in shock. How did all of this get done? And especially with the weather in LA lately. I mean, I'm not one to brag. But its been the 90s the last 3 days. Yeah, it'd time for a snowstorm in PA right about now. It's rather funny. I have little to no motivation to sit around and study. So much so that one of our study sessions turned into talking about life.
The people at this school really make me smile a lot. We're willing to be intellects and theologians, and sometimes that means life. And I love it. I love that I can talk and study with a 22-year-old recent college graduate, a woman who worked at a major church for years doing church-planting, and a woman who worked in Silicon Valley - all at the same time, studying Augustine together. The way God brings people together is crazy and creative.
I'm sitting in a coffee shop in a little town nearby the school studying, but I needed a break. My exhaustion level is up, and with that, my attention span is shorter - and I honestly did not think that that was possible. Happy reading - I'm off to study more... maybe.
I've always said I perform best under pressure. This fact, while true, is starting to really make me mad. I wish I did not. As hard as I try to be a good student, preparing ahead, working ahead, and just simply structuring my life months, weeks and days in advance never seems to work. I'm not quite sure if this fact deals with an avoidance tactic towards life or simply an inherent understanding of how I work under pressure, but frankly, I'm beyond "over" my work ethic.
I swear I entered 2007 prepared to work ahead, not fall behind, and plan accordingly. Guess what? It didn't work. It's currently in the cross-roads of the end of the final week of the quarter and finals week - I started writing this during that time, it's now actually finals week, but the date will not prove this truth). Needless to say, I have a lot to do, and not a lot of time in which to do it.
Stressed? Yes. Wishing I could hide this stress? Of course! Ready for a break? Who's not?
I'm tired, exhausted, emotionally drained, and it's not even Wednesday. It's going to be a long week, isn't it?