The quarter system is probably going to confuse me for months still. I cannot believe it's already week 5 at Fuller. I'm halfway through a quarter and I can barely believe it, frankly. There's something quite bizarre in knowing that I have midterms this week, and a stack full of papers to be writing in the next 7 days.

In the midst of this quarter, I have seen so much change and my eyes seem to almost be playing games with me. It's hard to imagine that I'm in grad school, and it's hard to imagine that life is flying so rapidly.

I'm ready for some calm and, but the realization has hit me like a ton of bricks: the world isn't calm, it's my choice to make my life calm (or chaotic). I have no control over the calamities and chaos of the world surrounding me, but I do have a choice in how I react to it.

I wonder if that realization is a lesson that I need to take a chill pill in '07 - or if its God's subtle (or not so subtle) way of telling me that it's time to rest a bit more in His will and plans for my life. It certainly not easy, that's for sure. I hope I'm not the only person who feels this way.

Posted by Libby at 9:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i wrote something yesterday that's currently piqued my mind - so I figured I'd share here. I said I don't like cliches and Christianese. There's this language in the Christian subculture (leave a comment if you're already confused) that helps Christians all figure out who we all are. You know what I'm referring to; the born again, repentance, washed in the blood, forgiveness, saved language that we all flippantly throw around as we learn the lingo of the church. I don't see God only speaking English, or speaking Christianese. I see her/him speaking the language of the lost.

Did I say God swears?

No, not necessarily.

But I do think he's in a gay bar, at a sports event, in the classroom, on the field, at the hospital, in a restaurant, etc. And in all of these places, God hurts, cries, aches, and speaks to the people, the hurt the lost, and the broken. Do Christians do this all the time? How are we known? How am I known as a Christian? For pete's sake, am I known as a Christian?

How do I want to be known as a Christian? By the perfect language that hints at my overzealous perfectionism? By my Icthus adorned Honda Civic, that as I drive past someone, I still can flip them off b/c they cut me off? By the t-shirt i wear with the language that only Christians are going to get, and could be frankly rude or offensive inadvertently by mocking the secular society?

My favorite Christian artists (and I don't have many, frankly), Justin McRoberts, has a whole album on this issue... really, its part of his ministry to Christians - to slap them upside the head. He has this shirt that I utterly love; the shirt says this:

they will know we are Christians by our t-shirts

preach it, Justin... preach it...

thoughts?

Posted by Libby at 9:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

So I started off this year probably on two bad feet - the jet lag plus lack of sleep on a normal sleep schedule probably sent my immune system into overload, and then suddenly back into communal living and working, all while attempting to be in four classes has been to my detriment. Friends left and right were going down last week and the week prior - "I have a good immune system," I heartily retorted to my friends.

Wrong. It started to hit Thursday - that feeling you know it's not going to be a fun week, yeah, it came and is officially here with a vengeance. I found myself today attempting to play doctor and self-diagnose myself. So far I've hit sinus infection, ear infection, influenza, or pneumonia. Campus has lovingly coined the phrase "the plague" - it may not be bubonic, but it sure isn't pretty. Though I'm starting to think maybe it's just allergies (ok, i wish!). I'm not quite sure what this little friend of mine is, but we're at war and currently it's winning - but I refuse to lose. As soon as we figure out what doctor in the area is covered by my insurance from the East Coast, it'll be time for all of us to tango. So note to all incoming students - while seemingly unimportant, if you're bringing your own insurance from somewhere else, find out who covers you locally before you get here and are in the position I'm stuck in.

Clearly my blog here is different from the gentlemen to my left. They all seem to have a penchant for intellectual conversation; I speak my mind and do so bluntly. Get used to it I guess? That or someone in admissions will tell me to change my writing style and topics. Blame them if that happens, k?

This new quarter has me excited friends (and stalkers). I think God is up to some utterly insane things on this campus and in the lives of a lot of my friends. My prayer right now is that we becoming willing and malleable vessels. I hate that language something, but it's so true (really, i hate cliches... but why? i mean, they serve a clear purpose and people can easily comprehend their meaning... hmm, interesting). I just don't really appreciate or value the christianese. I don't even fully know what's "up" with God around here, but maybe later this week I'll write more about that itself. All-Seminary Chapel on Wednesday rocked, the Semi (school's newspaper) has been throwing some sweet challenges our way from student writers. Now I'm only curious if we're all going to be willing to be "real," as I mentioned earlier, and actually talk about these things.

I hope that forum is around soon... or I hope to hear about those conversations of depth occurring sooner rather than later, 'cause I'm sure that it's part of our call, or at least, my call at Fuller. We've gotta dig, and we've gotta be listening to one another (and unfortunately, our bubonic coughs!)

Posted by Libby at 2:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

For some reason, people think that I might have something worthwhile to say to people? Funny, very funny. I'm not sure how "intellectual" these blogs are going to be, friends near and afar. More likely, I'll write much in a narrative form - I've been told by intellectuals and, well, non-intellectuals, that I'm a narrative writer (people have been saying this for years). Actually, my favorite comment ever was: "you write as though I'm sitting in front of you" - so imagine that scary face to the left talking to you - don't worry, the earrings are gone, and my hair is tamed - a little.

It's only quarter number two for me; barely 4 months have been lived in California. Growing up in Pennsylvania for 22 years, and living in Indianapolis for the last 2 years, it's been a bit of an adjustment. Don't tell a lot of people though: I like to play it off as a calm, cool and collected individual. (Yes, I realize this is posted on the WWW of my current institution, but what students visit their current school's admissions page? Exactly!) I could say the adjustment has just been to the weather (which is certainly the truth - what's up with 75 degrees in January!?), or even just the clothing change (um, i like winter jackets, I miss it! And scarves!)

But truth be told, the adjustment is two-fold. I've left a community I love, direly, twice now. First college, now the church in Indy. I miss the constant community, the friends, the laughter, and, frankly, everything. I don't miss the politics, but welcome to life - it's here too. The second adjustment isn't so much to something I miss, but something I wish just didn't exist that I'm being forced to accept: loneliness. See, I know and trust so dearly and truthfully that G-d is passionately working in me and grasping me so tightly when I cry or hurt. But sometimes, when you're around all these people, the truth comes out. I don't always turn back to G-d. He's sitting there waiting, probably checking the watch often.

See, I'm around people everywhere - loads of people know my name, know tiny snippets of who I am. But they don't know the deep parts of my soul - and I really had this dream-world in mind where I'd walk into seminary and everyone would want to really know everyone else. Really, I've come to reconcile lately that everyone's just like me, whether they're 60, 22 or 30 years old; whether they're married or single. We're all lonely, it just manifests itself differently. So we play games, and we hurt, but we don't often tell the community (whatever it may be) what's actually wrong: vulnerability is scary and difficult. Seminary is just like the church, really. And that, breaks my heart. It shouldn't, but it does - I guess utopia really is a dream world (how ironic).

So this adjustment, this challenge I'm currently facing, I refuse to hide. I refuse to hide from the world or from Fuller that I want to be real and I want others around me to be real. I do not want to be afraid to not be like, or to not be accepted by everyone. What I do want, however, it to start on a path of love and transparency with my community and my friends. I want to be real, I want to be a follower of a G-d who so eagerly pursues me that that pursuit is equal. I want to fall back in love with my Savior in a way that leaves me not hurting when I'm lonely, but trusting that that loneliness may just be another opportunity for transparency and trust with G-d and my friends. We're students planning of serving G-d and the body of Christ and this broken world, but it's time the church (and seminary) not be afraid to show our faces, and really, show ourselves to one another. Humility isn't so fun with only half the crowd.

I feel a little like Jerry Maguire right now - don't worry, I don't think I'll be heading to Kinkos any time soon. Welcome to my adjustment. And welcome to the transparent life.

Posted by Libby at 7:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)