Fuller Theological Seminary: Libby

April 27, 2008

the journey

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the idea of sharing wisdom or insights into my seminary experience with a bunch of people I don't know at all. (Please note that I typed 'college' instead of seminary the first time through - irony? Maybe.) I guess the reality that I am shaping the image of Fuller in someone's mind is kind of freaky - I mean, it is my experience, my ideas, my struggles, my dilemmas.

I do not at all do things "right" all the time. I mess up. I am at fault. It's funny how knowing that others could guess that from reading between the lines is somewhat humbling. But at the same exact time, its actually rather invigorating. I have these moments when I really wonder what I am doing, what God wants my heart to be following. Am I supposed to do X, Y or Z. In our college ministry leadership team, I remember my mentor asking us to visually describe what we want from God. I said a lightning storm. Everyone thought I meant one lightning bolt saying "do this Libby."

Nope. I wanted a million of those. But lately I've been reevaluating that very desire. Do I really want to know every little detail about my life. Do I believe my path in life is so specifically mapped out that I am just a mere puppet under God's control?

We seem to live in that world in a large percentage of Christianity. We must know really know God's will if something goes terribly wrong. Or we did something bad, and we're paying the price. God is condemning the church.

I don't know, I think the God I believe in, more and more, has been revealed to me to be a God of utter mystery. I like that mystery. I like not quite knowing what is in store. All the time - NOT. But when I look back on the last 5 years of my life, did I want God to tell me every lightning bolt that did happen in my life, if they were in fact all supposed to have happened? Heck no. What story is that really?

I used to always read the last few pages of a book before I started it. I always seemed to forget the ending anyway. While it certainly seemed to calm me to know how it ended, it never meant nearly as much as when I took the journey with the writer, and let the writer create and change the path as I was willing to ride along.

I guess that's what I hope is really the call of Christianity - or the call of Christians. To let God write a path, but certainly not jump ahead in the story. I can read into things as much as I want, but that's not always the point, is it? You all are on a journey with me - for the good, the bad and the ugly moments.

April 18, 2008

The Pasadena Bubble

In college, my Public Relations Media professor forced us to write a daily journal about something in the news. Her recommendation was that as public relations professionals we needed to know more about the world than the bubbles we would and do live in. It helps keep us connected and marketable in conversation; that we knew what we were talking about and how to reach those in that audience. Hmm, bubbles.

It has me thinking more about this world - Fuller. Is it a bubble? Tonight I sat on one of our couches with 9 friends watching The Office which is certainly my favorite show. Thanks to TIVO, Thursday nights is my roommate's and my time to gather friends from different pockets of our world to laugh, talk and de-bubblize.

Tonight on our three couches I had roommates, friends from old housing complexes, a friend I met 5 weeks ago in my apartment for Lost viewing party (also on a Thursday!), a new friend who has been sleeping on our couch since Monday night, and friends I've known since day 1 at Fuller. There's this unique story I share with each of them, and it's certainly entertaining to see it all come together.

It's funny how that works. All of those stories are unique and funny. It's funny how I got to watch a 5-minute video a group of friends have produced. It's called The Sold Project and it's devoted to raising awareness of and fighting human trafficking in America and abroad. It's an amazing project that has brought together amazing people from different parts of the US. One of those new friends' just moved to Pasadena 6 weeks ago to join their team and do their marketing. He lives with Fuller students, is not one, yet he's in my world and the Fuller circle. His heart and passion for the gospel bleeds through his work - incredible!

Another friend - sleeping on the couch momentarily - is connected to a friend from Fuller. He called my roommate last week and asked if his friend could crash a few nights while she's checking out the School of Intercultural Studies at Fuller and the LA area. In her stay, she's connected with The Dream Center and made connections for her own job in Michigan, which happens to deal with - yup, human trafficking. Crazy. She met my friend from here, not in college, but in Europe while he's backpacking. When her world starts sending her towards LA and Fuller, again their worlds can connect. Yet her connections don't stop - she's connected to a friend who is living with the people who started The Sold Project - they were college acquaintances. She's got this amazing intuitive and caring heart - seeking justice and really seeking God's path. Amazing.

Is it just that world is so small? Or is it that God is so big? Do these connections in my world happen just on a fluke? I certainly can't say a definitive "yes" or "no" to either question. But God has this incredible way of humbly reminding me that Fuller isn't just Fuller. It's about making connections, networking, and realizing that this world isn't meant to be lonely. Graduate school isn't meant to be without people or without community. I laughed hysterically tonight watching Jim's fake proposal. But I beamed deeply inside at the little version of community I sensed for an hour in apartment #5.

April 13, 2008

hope is where we're starting from

I sat in an interview on Wednesday. I was interviewing at a relatively large suburban church in the LA area for my internship, and I was again reminded of the major frustration and concern I have faced while contemplating a "call to ministry." I've written about this before, but I think God is calling me to really start some intentional processing about where I stand in all of this blurred confusion.

I have a class this quarter on ecclesiology and eschatology, where I will be a part of a presentation on women's ecclesiology. My family ministry course has already left me questioning numerous times about the role of women in youth ministry. I always find myself feeling second rate when I contemplate ministry. It's not just because I am a woman, but because I sense a deep and specific call to youth ministry. Somehow being both a woman and one who believes she'll be doing youth ministry the rest of her life as equating to be a second-rate pastor and leader.

I don't know if I ever fully understood how I felt as having a lower-class standing in the church, or even in seminary, until I was being interviewed last week. The woman who interviewed me did not directly make me feel as if I were a second-rate citizen, but somehow I drove away feeling down and depressed about my role in the church. I found myself thinking that I don't want to be stuck in this system. I wonder if it's a title issue that I need to reconcile. She used the phrase "associate pastor" and for the first time in my life, I thought, "wait a second, I could be a senior pastor!" I don't know if it was just to again fight against the norm, or if it was because I do not want to be limited because of someone else's definition of women's ecclesiology. I always felt like I didn't know if I could really trust a woman in the pulpit this whole time that I've wanted someone else to respect me.

I had a boss who once told me that he did not think he could honestly ever feel comfortable working at a church under a woman. I remember feeling a mixed bag of emotions. First, I wanted to lurch across the room and strangle him, to be perfectly honest. Did he not realize he was speaking to the same person who 5 minutes earlier he had told had a strong gift of leadership and administration? Did he not tell me that I am going to be powerful and gifted member of the leadership of the little "c" church? But you know, you can't work under someone who has two x-chromosomal genes? Awesome. Totally awesome.

And so somehow Wednesday I found myself thinking, you can't stop me from being the woman God has called me to. That's when it hit me. Have I been boxing in my own call in some deep dark dungeon simply because I felt the need to live under the auspices of appropriate or acceptable church hierarchy? I certainly hope not. I have hope for the church - it's found only in the redemption of Christ. I just hope we're willing to let that hope play out. I hope so. I really do.

April 8, 2008

from a distance

There's something to be said for venturing across the country to go to school. It's a different experience to pull away from everything you once knew: people, places, community, cultures. I came to Fuller in Fall of '06 knowing my life was going to change. And looking back just 18 months, some days I'm in utter shock by just how crazy and different it has been. LA is different from Western Pa and Indianapolis. It just is.

Part of the process is reconciling the move means that there will be significant moments in your life that you cannot be a part of back at home. It means recognizing that changes will happen and your next time back, they will again never be the same. I've found the ability exists to ignore the changes. Obviously, though, it ends up hurting us all in the long run.

The last few weeks have been rather difficult, and for the first time in a long time, I've found myself not saying anything to people about what's going on. I've had two deaths back on the East coast and some other major drama taking place that no one knows about. It makes me really question the role of community and when we abuse the very essence of community for the role of pity parties.

What is the role of Fuller and its purported community. I want to believe that it's to share with one another, to grow and to struggle together. But sometimes I really cannot reconcile my experience with my expectations. What I am aware of, however, is that things happen and I can't go home. I can't travel back for funerals because I have classes and no money. It kills me to miss yet another funeral when my old community will gather together and yet have no one to really share in the remorse. I guess it's just where I have to wholeheartedly cling to the promise that God can heal and love in the midst of hurt.

April 2, 2008

Generations

Well, I've hit it. It. The halfway point. Have I seriously been in LA for 18 months? I've been in seminary for six (yes, 6) quarters now. I'm honestly rather shocked by this very idea quite often. I'm not quite sure how this happened or why it is so alarming. Maybe it only reminds me that a year and a half from now, I'll be potentially moving? A real job? No more internships?! No freaking way!

All of this transition has led to an overwhelming amount of processing and questioning in the last few months. It's not so much that I do not believe in or trust my call to ministry. But I sincerely have been asking the question of "is that all?" I feel selfish when I think it. I feel like I'm a brat, to be perfectly honest. It sounds as though I don't value or really comprehend the brevity of a call to ministry, let alone what i call a deep and meaningful call to youth ministry.

The one thing that I do believe is that my life for years to come is going to include reading often about culture, youth ministry, families, crisis, pastoral counseling, psychology, and adolescence. This is where my life narrows. For all the time I can spend avoiding homework reading blogs about March Madness, analyzing my bracket, finding new music or reading about the new Indians' season, I cannot deny that my heart bleeds and tears when I still get phone calls from back in Indiana.

it is my call. I just wish God wasn't always so ambiguous about its' praxis in my dang life.

March 4, 2008

all you need is love

I've been thinking a bunch lately about the idea of loving people. My questions have direct implications to my job in student government at Fuller, and the reality that not everyone comes from the same contextual framework of grace and love. It's funny at times how flippantly we toss this word, love, around in the Christian world. It seems that in the midst of knowing and trusting that God's love for people bridges the broken link between a Savior and the saved, we often lose the art of actually looking at what love is, and what its role is in our lives.

But I wonder how often as a church we look at love beyond the Hollywood definitions. Beyond the teddy-bear, warm-fuzzy. The implications in my life lately are two-fold: I'm realizing more and more than I cannot love others if I do not in fact care for and love myself. There are, of course, numerous implications: sleeping appropriately, giving myself enough time to really digest and follow-through on a paper, having hard conversations, saying " to a party where all my friends will be. And secondarily, simply defining what love means.

The church seems to think that love equals grace, and grace equals mercy. Call me a fool, but the last time I checked the definitions of these words, while hey certainly are similar to some degree, are not the same words which are being defined practically and theoretically in different ways. Sometimes mercy means permitting someone an extension on a paper. Sometimes it means teaching a lesson about time-management. Is one unloving and the other not? No. Sometimes grace means even when hurt by a friend, extending your hand of peace out. Sometimes grace means telling a friend struggling with an addiction to pornography that s/he must seek help. Is it ungracious and unloving to tell the addicted person to stop? No.

So lately I've been faced with the question of when does grace allow a person to keep on behaving in an unhealthy manner, and when must a foot be put down. When must I graciously accept hurtful behavior and show mercy? When is mercy different from grace? Is one of those responses not love and the other actually love? Is it loving and grace-giving to allow an addict to continue doing because we don't want to have a hard conversation? Certainly not. But it seems that the church is a bit more concerned with what others will think than for the good of the individual. Our eyes seem rather clouded, and I'm fearing the branch is about to break off.

It might seem discontinuous with other thinking lately, and especially to write about on a prospective student blog - but here's the thrux of what I want to convey. It's not easy to ask questions, but I am thankful that some of the diversity in theology at Fuller allows me to really think about these things.

February 18, 2008

Whoopsedaisy!

As a child of the 80s, I went to college right on the cusp of an electronic educational boom. At Westminster, one of the major selling points to students were the "smart classrooms." In them we had integrated overheads, projectors, DVD/CD players, and more. This made us technologically advanced. To get the internet at school, however, you had two options: plugging into it through the network or a computer lab. There was no internet in classrooms, and I don't think it was until my senior year that I had even heard of wireless internet in the classrooms.

So when I got to Fuller last year the idea of having wireless in one building was incredibly enticing. While not a foreign concept to me, I was excited to reach the library's internet from my classroom. I'm not sure if it's because I had a viable distraction, or if it was just to be rebellious, but something compelled me (and others, many, many others) to indulge in the world wide web (thank you, Al Gore?).

And so when in late April our campus administration unveiled wireless internet throughout campus (that actually reaches my apartment- shh!!), I was elated to relinquish the fight for internet with McAlister Library weak feed - as was the entire campus. Or so I thought.

There is a massive debate between faculty and students over the role that the internet has, and what role teacher and student plays in the way the class organization. Note that this entire debate is unspoken - but we all know to varying degrees that faculty doesn't like it. Some faculty have a major problem with the reality that students are in fact online during their lectures. Similarly, some students are frustrated by the distractions that other student's internet/computer usage presents.

Conversely some students welcome the internet for any number of reasons: alleviating boredom, providing a distraction, or looking up things pertinent to class during the lecture. Of course there have been students doing things that I would call ridiculous, namely watching movies or video games. That's where the line is drawn for me. Come on!!! Seriously? Why are you in class?! Why the money? Why the time?

The question about computers, the internet and classes is both pedagogical and philosophical. Why not express the desire to teach in environments without a laptop, and yet have some classes that require me to print off 100 pages of material? I don't feel like wasting all that paper, let alone the additional paper to take notes, so I choose to bring my laptop to class. Why have a class where I must take notes for every class only to turn in the notes in paragraph form?

Different courses require different forms of engagement in class, but the reality is that certain professors are requiring us to bring a laptop in order to keep with all the information. I had a class this past summer that after 12 hours of lectures, I had 37 pages of outlined notes. There is no way I would have had that much had I been using a notebook and paper. More importantly, if I want to be distracted, I will. If I want to focus, I will.

In many of the tours that I give, I have never once not been asked about the internet at Fuller. "Do you have wireless?" "Does internet reach the classroom?" I don't know if having the internet or not using makes me less of a Christian or a follower, as does doodling, texting, sleeping, talking, or missing classes. There will always be students who skip the majority of classes, not complete all the reading, daydream or sleep.

Certainly faculty recognizes extenuating circumstances for students. But it seems that the internet could end up being the administration or faculty's response to a growing frustration that the faculty has in regard to ever-challenging demands put on them by students, administration, and peers to be engage, challenge, and motivate every single student. Just as they want a perfect student, so too do I want a perfect faculty member. I want a professor who doesn't go on tangents every five seconds, who is always prepared for a lecture, who remembers that not everyone learns in one teaching method, and who recognizes that sometimes an extenuating circumstance means I can't make it to class.

But I'm ridiculous in demanding the perfect lecturer. The reality is that in this broken environment where each person should be willing to admit that we aren't perfect, neither side is always willing to allow for these very flaws. We moan, groan and find specific issues to vehemently fight. I'm not sure that any of these tactics will ever solve our problems.

Both sides will have to come to the table aware that students will distract themselves, internet or not. Professors may not use visual teaching, and I still need to figure out a way to engage with the material and topic. To eliminate internet in a classroom simply because students aren't all looking at you, or because there is less interaction than you'd like will be the situation not just because of the internet. I'd guess that in part its the size, and in part because of the availability of classes, which again is the heart of the problem at a school this size. But I came here in part because of its size: such is the nature of this beast.

Students conversely need to figure out why in the world they're at Fuller. If you're here just because you have nothing better to do, maybe $1400 a class isn't really worth it. If you're going to go to a class and planning to look online and could be distracting others, be kind and sit in the back. If you are easily distracted, sit in the front of the room. The responsibility should be on the students, not on the professors, to facilitate the safe learning environment that the faculty is attempting to create. If we're really adults, and you really are planning on going into full-time ministry, practical psychological work or the mission field, can you not talk to the distractor and ask them to stop during a break? Do you really need to watch a movie during your systematics class? Really?

I've looked at this question from the other side, wondering what would I want from a classroom. I think that of course the ideal setting would have students all engaged, excited, and passionate about my passion, but in reality, some people will have absolutely not passion about youth ministry, but need to fulfill a requirement. What would I do to make a safe learning environment? I think Day One I'd start the class off at some point by explaining that the front of the room is for those who either easily get distracted, or have a need hearing or sight wise. Those who want to in any way participate as a distraction need to take the back of the room seats. During break switch seats if you find a problem - and I won't take note of the situation. And if you have a problem afterwards with someone being a distraction. Either move yourself or gently ask the person to cease and desist.

Maybe I'm a bit to idealistic, but I'll be honest, I've never heard anything addressed like this in a class at Fuller, yet I know that every professor to varying levels are frustrated. I wish we all knew how to behave like adults from the student and professors' positions, but we all are much better at whining and making sweeping generalizations than we are at maturely and kindly dealing with problems. Tattling or demanding the removal of internet because of the frustration will probably do nothing but angering more and more.

The challenge that this campus is facing (and probably quite intensively in the near future) is reconciling where we live, the type of students we have, and the world surrounding us and how it lives. Is it bad to have the internet? Is there such a thing as the perfect class? Is everyone always engaged in a class the whole time?

The story is much greater than this, but I fear I might bore you to death. The reality is that Fuller is at the crux of the technological influence in the classroom, and you may walk into a very interesting dialogue in the very near future. Want to hear all my thoughts? Check out my other blog.

January 27, 2008

Finals, already?

So as it turns out, the anti-joy of having only two classes in a quarter, one of which is a 12-unit language intensive, is that every three 3.5 weeks is the end of a theoretical quarter midway through this week.

One of my jobs that I have, to pay the bills while in seminary, is tutoring in a local town. I go to clients' homes throughout the week and teach/explain/motivate/reteach students in various math subjects, including: Pre-Algebra, Algebra I, Algebra II, Geometry, Trigonometry, and Spanish.

Well in irony of ironies, my students in this town all have their finals when I have my finals. Hahaha. Awesome. NOT.

Add onto that having the opportunity/responsibility to go to Board of Trustees meetings as a part of the All-Seminary Council. Needless to say, I'm almost to my wits end, and yet to avoid these ends, I'm sitting on the computer avoiding the memorizing, prep-test creating, and paper writing processes that I have. Pray for patience for me and my friends with me. We all probably will need it... and not just a small amount. Finals, be gone!

January 14, 2008

2008 will be great?

I cannot begin to express how many times I've heard people say around campus in the last two weeks, "2008, it's gonna be great" or something along those lines. A) I hope so. B) Why are they saying that?

I think it somehow has has me contemplating the secretive brokenness of our culture, and specifically Fuller. The Christian subculture has this obsession with hiding our brokenness, with seeking to be accepted and loved for relevance, power, and spectacularity.

I must admit, it's a struggle I have. I like to be known. I like to be liked. I hunger to be liked. And I forget to seek the Cross as that only place; to say that I can do nothing but accept that I do nothing to define me, but to be aware that I am a beloved Child of the Almighty and Powerful God. In a market driven society, we find the need to be an object of love.

I'm listening to a professor lecture on this right now and I'm making the connection that even the desire for a year to "work out" better, to make us feel better, etc., is truthfully our desire to be in control of our lives. I wonder when we'll really get it; when we you get to the point that Jesus actually transforms the lives of the leaders. Ugh...

January 7, 2008

I'm here, 2008?

I'm wide awake (and it's not morning). I suppose somewhere in the world it is morning, but I digress. Classes start today/tomorrow. I am not so much excited about this. I should be, considering that I have an "interesting" load this quarter. (By the way, please know that that means I'm being completely sarcastic and downright facetious.

Greek Intensive should be enough of a joy. I just finished one language, and here I go again. I would think I had learned the first time around that I am not always a motivated learner when it comes to languages, but the reality here is that I am not looking forward, one ounce, to learning a brand new language. I think I finally got used to Hebrew, and possibly found a lot of joy by the end. I enjoyed writing the final paper. I even got really used to reading from right to left.

As I said to a friend tonight, at least I should know most of the alphabet from the fraternity/sororities of college. I was determined back then to learn all the letters... it's just the whole order thing that could be my problem now. :)

December 22, 2007

To 2007....

I must say that breaks are about the most beautiful creations ever.

In my daily obsession with retreating from the status quo, I have always (and forever) hated two things: giving up things for lent and new years' resolutions. I hated the former because it's become this trite observation that everyone does just because (just like three year olds, this reason does not suffice in my book).

I am stubborn and hate to follow the crowd. (Alas why I did not drink until 21. Not because of religious reasons, quite frankly, was it that I did not indulge in such behavior. Rather, I was stubborn and hated to do what everybody else does. I told myself at 14 I was not going to drink until 21 because that's the law and because God would be mad (that's a whole over blog, let's look to 2008 for). This stubbornness as a woman is ironic when we consider the female obsession with doing everything like the rest of we women: marriage, clothing, body image, etc. We are obsessed with not being unique, and yet mysteriously being our own person. The individual must always triumph over the collective we.)

I hated new years resolutions because, well, as stubborn as I am (meaning I would probably succeed at anything I was determined to win), n, again I hate to follow the crowd. (Hurray for trendsetters, pacesetters, and all around brats... my children undoubtedly will be annoying brats).

So as this break from Fuller has progressed, the long anticipated self-reflection of 2007 (and beyond) has commenced. I think I like more and more certain parts of me and who I am becoming. But I am realizing how jaded and crass I am since moving to LA. Has the smog gotten me? The dreaded doldrums of seminary? Or is it that yet again that the stubbornness of Libby has attached itself in a not-so-logical location.

While there will be no outset New Years resolutions for this lady in 2008, I do hope to figure out a way to evaluate more consistently, love myself better, lose some stress, and experience a bit more joy in the day to day.

Thanks break, you've been a blast.

December 14, 2007

Strong and Mighty

To be honest, I've been overwhelmed with the response to the blog on women in ministry. Now, it's not like I have 100 comments or something of the like. But in comparison to the four over all the other posts in the last year, 3 comments is substantial. It's left me thinking a lot about the reality that the church is not only behind the rest of our country (and world), but also sometime fearful or unwilling to really engage in a needed dialogue about a number of issues. Of course probably the most impacting for my personal life right now has got to be women in ministry. I still wonder what the heck I am doing some days, and I have come to the clear realization that this question is in major part resulting from a fear of the other. I know I have a call. I trust that call. I run from it often, but I know that it's there.

On the other hand, I do not think other agree, believe, trust or like that notions. It's just the world in which I live. So if there's one thing that I feel responsible to do, it's encourage the engagement of other in some fashion of a dialogue. Which is why, when a good friend of mine at Fuller told me her friend has started a new blog on women in ministry, I realized this blog is something i frankly cannot ignore, or neglect to pass on to others. And so, here I am encouraging you to read when you have time this blog.

December 1, 2007

Paradoxical Pasadena

As I mentioned in my last blog, going back to my college reminded me of life with the Amish. New Wilmington, Pa., is a beautiful, tiny town in Western Pennsylvania, barely 10 miles east of the Ohio State line. It is almost a direct shot south of my hometown. And it looks likes a fairy tale. Seriously. Cobblestone roads. Horse drawn carriages are all over the place. All the stores closed at 6 pm while I was there. Nothing was open on Sundays. Nothing. Horse poop on campus. One town cop (and a vigilant one at that). They actually filmed an episode of The West Wing in the town's outskirts and neighboring town, b/c it looked like the middle of nowhere (err, it is the middle of nowhere).

Well, the town has actually changed quite a bit from what my drive used to look like. A coffee shop, two new restaurants (nearly doubling the previous total!), new banks, restored old homes, new traffic signals.

So the visit has me thinking a lot about the paradoxes that surround me. For instance, in the last two weeks, I've now seen Mormon's walking down the main housing drag of Fuller, talking to our students. I have a mixed set of emotions when I see them. I start to pity them. "Don't they know where they are?" Then I get frustrated. Then I get angry that I'm frustrated and pitying. Then I get plain old confused - what should be my response? The irony that Mormon young men are evangelizing the Christian young men and women at this, the largest Evangelical seminary in the country. Funny. Check out Rich Mouw's blog for some of his own thoughts about healthy Christian and Mormon interaction, and you'll probably understand both paradox and predicament here.

And how about this paradox? I live in a city that is so vigilant about being "green" and yet we're burning up each winter because we don't have enough "white/blue/clear" (what do you call rain??). Or how about the homeless men who live right outside my apartment during the day. They hang out in the vacant fast food restaurant. Yes, indeed, it is ironic. I know very few Fuller students who actually engage these men as people. Yet I don't know how to do it myself, as a woman.

I hate that paradoxical situation in and of itself. I'm a woman, ergo, I am (that's what the world is told, at least). But I can't love the really hurting people in our culture because either I'm flirting or I could get hurt myself. This broken world can chew and spit you out before you even do anything...

So these paradoxes. What are we supposed to do with them? Accept them and move on? Ignore them and hope they disappear? Fight them and potentially lose yet another battle? Honestly, I have no idea.

November 28, 2007

finals? really?

While at home for a wedding and Thanksgiving, I ended up back at my alma mater having lunch with some of my dearest friends from Fair Thee, Westminster. It was rather bizarre to be back. It's so funny, every time it's been a while since I've been some where, as soon as I set foot (or wheels, as it may) on campus, it feels like the day before was May 22, 2004 (yes, I had to look it up). Has it really been 3.5 years since I graduated.

As I was wandered campus and New Wilmington, Pa, this incredibly overwhelming sense of fear gripped me - it was the reminder that finals were encroaching upon my already filled life. (That and the fear of the potential accident with the Amish buggies that are in the town I went to college for for 4 years - a tad bit different from Pasadena, don't you think?)

Well, not only is it the middle of week ten, was my flight significantly delayed to return to LA, but it also is every students' favorite time of the quarter - when we seek out the biggest, best, all-night study/procrastination destinations. This past summer quarter, my friend Grete and I discovered an undisclosed restaurant in Pasadena (that shall remain undisclosed for reasons that follow) that stays open 24 hours, has free wireless (well, sort of), and has outlets. These my friends, are the musts for studying, and we're among the few and proud who have learned of said location. It works... not the best food, but...

I had no idea how bad it was. It appears I may have food poisoning. Thank you very much, ____. Here's to the search beginning again - whenever I can swallow something more than good ol' water.

November 26, 2007

Welcome Home! (I wish)

I'm currently sitting in the airport in Phoenix. In a series of delays, gate changes, and creative attempts at cheap airport nourishment, I find myself on the free wireless at gate A-5, hoping that my departure in "7 minutes" will happen.

Did you catch the sarcasm there at all?

I want to get back to Pasadena. I want to sit down on my uncomfortable mattress and do some more homework. (Hmm, I could it sitting here instead of blogging, couldn't I?) It's funny how "home" constantly seems to change in my world. I want to go home, and I'm a bit curious what that even means anymore. It could be Fairview. It could be Zionsville. It could be Pasadena. It could be New Wilmington. It could, it could, it could.

I guess that at some point here, I should settle on the fact that home is temporary. Instantaneously, it can burn to the ground. Suddenly it can fall apart in an earthquake. Families fall apart. Jobs suddenly end. But I'm glad to know that there is security that I'm following some sort of a call, and wherever the next home ends up being, I'll too settle there. As for now, I'll take joy that home means a large assortment of reading and writing these next two weeks.

November 6, 2007

This Time Around

Standing outside the administration's office at my elementary school when I was in 1st grade, I had a conversation with the nurse, Mrs. Tanenbaum, about how life was so slow. Like yesterday I can remember her words to me: "The older you get, the faster the weeks go. Enjoy the time you have, Libby."

Prophetic words from my nurse (who happened to be Jewish, nonetheless!) that slow day.

I cannot believe, at all, that it is week 7 and that I have as much work left to complete as I do. I seem to go into denial every time I walk into my apartment - as if the homework disappears when I walk in here. I wish.

Here's to two more full weeks before I'm gone almost a week back to the East Coast for a wedding. It's gonna be a full two weeks - and quite frankly, I'll probably not have much time for this dear blog. :)