My decision to leave VFCC
I haven’t submitted anything for a few weeks. They were not the easiest of my life; in fact, they have ranked right up there with the most difficult. My wife and I have made the hardest decision. We decided to move from Pennsylvania to Springfield, MO. I have accepted the position of Associate Professor of New Testament at Evangel University. Springfield is the headquarters of the Assemblies of God, the denomination of which I am a part. I have to admit, I have never wanted to live there. It has nothing to do with Springfield, and certainly not the people there. I’m just sort of a one coast or the other person. This will be a huge change. The announcement was made at the college today; I was overwhelmed by the response of the students. I am trying to record my feelings while they are still raw. Throughout the process of making the decision, I have been challenged in every part of my thinking. Two things stand out.
I have seen once again that life is about relationships. The thing that wrenches my insides is the fact that I will be leaving those who I have grown to love so much. I feel such a part of Valley Forge Christian College; leaving tears my heart out. The relationships with colleagues and students that I have built over the last decade have become a part of me. Enjoying what you do in life is important, but enjoying whom you do it with is equally important. I suppose that living on a small island in the Aleutians (something I am not comparing VFCC to) wouldn’t be so bad if you really liked the people you were with. I love the people I work with and leaving them creates huge hole.
My theology has also been challenged—challenged down to the very core. I believe God calls people to do things, and yet I think too that most decisions he leaves up to us. In making the decision to change positions I have sort of felt that I needed to know what God wanted me to do; that is, what decision did he make? People ask me if I am sure this is the “right thing,� and I know what they mean; they want to know if “it’s God.� I want to scream, “I don’t know for sure!� Gabriel did not come to me in the night, and Jesus did not walk into the room to give comfort to “doubting Dwight.� There was no audible voice, no prophetic witness, not even an 8 ball to give me a “not at this time.� I found myself praying from the psalms of lament, “How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?� Eventually, I just had to add up all the plusses and minuses of moving so that I could figure out on a practical level what the best decision would be for my family and myself. The decision? take the job. I am feeling very unspiritual.
Processing this will take time.